Advanced Pleasure: Overcome the Barriers to Anal Play For More Excitement, Connection, And Pleasure…
There’s one sex act that, above all others, is misunderstood. Most people have thought about trying it or fantasized about it, but few actually know what they’re doing. If you’re someone who approaches this type of pleasure with curiosity, hesitation, or even a bit of anxiety? You’re far from alone. I’m talking about anal play.
In this post, I’m going to break down the 5 top barriers that are stopping you and your partner from enjoying all the incredible pleasure that anal play has to offer. I’ll also share how to overcome them so that you can experience all the joy, expansion, and pleasure that’s waiting for you.
The truth is, anal play can be incredibly pleasurable for most women and men. When done the right way, it can add a thrilling new dimension to your sex life and usher in a whole new world of mind-melting pleasure. From blended orgasms to deep emotional connection, anal play is a great way to add some spice to your sex life and keep you erotically engaged.
But when it comes to anal, I have to tell you something that you may not want to hear. If your partner isn’t enthusiastic and excited at the thought of you exploring her back door? Then you’re probably approaching it the wrong way.
If this is the case, you’re far from alone. Most men learn about anal play through porn… And if there’s anything I’ve tried to make clear over my years as a sex and relationship coach, it’s that porn is just about the farthest thing from an accurate representation of pleasurable sex.
As a sex and relationship coach, I’ve seen firsthand how this aspect of intimacy can add a thrilling new dimension to your sex life. Yet, many people avoid it for a variety of reasons. Let’s explore these common barriers and discover how overcoming them can lead to deeper connection and excitement in your relationship.
Before we dive into the barriers to entry that people face when it comes to anal, it’s important to get a sense of what anal play can bring into your relationship.
Why It’s Worth It:
1. Enhanced Pleasure: The anal area is rich with nerve endings. When stimulated the right way, it can be a source of incredible pleasure, including blended orgasms.
2. Increased Variety: Adding anal play to your repertoire keeps your sex life fresh and exciting. The element of taboo can bring an element of spice and desire to a sexual dynamic that’s starting to feel repetitive.
3. Deeper Connection: Exploring new activities strengthens emotional bonds and trust. Getting to know a new part of your partner’s sexuality builds a deeper connection and reignites emotional intensity in your relationship.
4. Better Communication: Negotiating boundaries around anal play can improve overall sexual communication and understanding. This kind of communication benefits both inside and outside the bedroom, and brings couples closer together.
5. Personal Growth: Overcoming fears and taboos increases sexual confidence and self-awareness. As you continue to explore your sexuality with open curiosity, you’ll continue to strengthen not only your relationship with your partner but also your relationship with yourself.
Breaking Down Stigma and Shame
One of the biggest obstacles to anal play is the stigma and shame that often surrounds it. Societal and cultural taboos can make this topic feel off-limits, but it’s time to change that narrative.
Once you’ve gathered the information you need to feel confident approaching the subject, the next step is to have open and honest communication about your desires and curiosities with your partner. Having these conversations can help dismantle any remaining feelings of shame or taboo. Remember, it’s healthy to explore new facets of your sexuality.
Overcoming shame fosters a more open and honest sexual relationship, enhancing trust and intimacy between you and your partner. Not only are you likely to end up trying more of the things you’re curious about, but you’re also building a deeper, more connected bond with your partner in the process.
Easing the Fear of Pain or Discomfort
Many people worry that anal play will be painful or uncomfortable. For many women, their previous experiences may have been with partners who didn’t know what they were doing, which may have resulted in pain or even injury. While this fear is understandable, it’s often based on misconceptions. If you’re approaching anal play properly, it should NEVER hurt. It should feel amazing right from the beginning.
How to Overcome It: Start slowly and use plenty of lubrication. The key is to begin with fingers or small toys and communicate constantly with your partner to ensure you both are comfortable. Relaxation and patience are key.
The best way to begin your anal play journey is through anal massage. Not only does this warm the body up for full anal penetration, it also feels incredible and allows you to connect to your partner’s body in a whole new, much deeper way. This practice is so effective that I created an entire course on it called Anal
Addressing Hygiene Concerns
Lots of people, especially those receiving, let concerns about cleanliness stop them from exploring anal play. To put it bluntly, many women are self-conscious that poop will make an appearance at the party.
But there’s one thing about anal that everyone needs to get comfortable with. Once in a while… Poop happens! Having said that, there are plenty of hygiene practices that can make you and your partner more comfortable. You can clean the area ahead of time or even try an enema for an internal clean Having said that an equally important part of alleviating hygiene concerns is coming to terms with the fact that once in a while, a bit of poop during anal play is perfectly normal.
How to Overcome It: Basic good hygiene is a great place to start. You can also use condoms and gloves if it makes either one of you feel more comfortable. Most importantly, have an open conversation with your partner about the realities of anal play, and assure them that you’re comfortable with all the perfectly normal human functions associated with that part of their body. This will allow you both to relax into the experience and focus on the pleasure, rather than the possibility of the occasional uninvited party guest.
Bridging the Knowledge Gap
Sometimes, people avoid anal play simply because they don’t know enough about it. A lack of knowledge can lead to unnecessary fears and missed opportunities for pleasure. If you or your partner are getting most of your information from porn, you probably have a very skewed idea of what anal pleasure can look like. For example, did you know that are not one but TWO anal sphincters? And that they’re connected to two different nervous systems?
Or did you know that there’s a little piece of erectile tissue in the female body called the perineal sponge, and that when stimulated the right way, it can lead to incredibly pleasurable and orgasmic experiences? These are just two of the many facts that can help you give your partner incredible pleasure when you know what to do with them.
The more you know, the more comfortable you’ll feel going into it. If you or your partner are hesitant about anal play, I strongly suggest that you take some time and educate yourselves before writing it off. There’s a whole world of pleasure waiting to be discovered. At least give yourselves the chance to make an informed decision.
Conquering the Fear of Judgment
The fear of being judged by others can be a really powerful deterrent from getting all the things we want out of life. If you’re curious about bringing anal play into the bedroom but afraid of being judged, it’s important to remember that open communication is a crucial part of any healthy and satisfying sexual relationship. It’s also important to remember that most often, we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else does.
A healthy sexual relationship is built on care, mutual respect, and open-mindedness. If your partner cares for you, then they’ll likely be open and interested in hearing about your desires and curiosities, even if they don’t immediately align with their own. Communicating your needs should never hurt your relationship, and learning to communicate with each other has benefits that extend far beyond the bedroom.
How to Overcome It: Reassure yourself and each other that exploring new aspects of your sexuality is both normal and healthy. Create a safe space for non-judgmental communication with your partner by opening up a conversation about what you both desire.
Again, educating yourself about your desires will go a long way toward making you feel comfortable broaching them with your partner. Just remember that sexual desires are varied and unique to each of us. No matter what turns you on, as long as you’re not harming anyone, your desires are valid!
To sum it up, anal play can be extremely pleasurable to anyone open enough to try it! It’s all about approaching it the right way and having the knowledge you need to make it pleasurable off the bat.
